Revisiting the wreckage ......

So have you ever been back to a place that was a 'tough chunk' of your life. Like you break up with a bf and that blockbuster you used to go to is now like hugely awkward and borderline painful? The blockbuster totally didn't change AT ALL (okay maybe it picked up some new releases) ,, but it was your memories that were like tainting or coloring it all to a place where you either can't function (depending on how raw the hurt is) or you just feel like its not right.

Maybe its not Blockbuster, maybe its a city where you grew up,,, or maybe it was the house where you got divorced, or maybe (shock)your high school.

Or maybe you don't even need to be in the location, you just need the certain people around to make you feel that way again.

Or,,as I noticed when we watched family videos back in May,,watching myself as a teen I was brought RIGHT back to all the emotions I felt as a teen, awkward and disapproving of myselfs, and mostly disapproving of ANY attempts my parents or family made to make me laugh (or god forbid make me laugh).

So I'm doing that this weekend. I spent two years living and working in NYC and while there were many blessings and TONS of personal and professional lessons that changed me forever, there was a lot of drama and a lot of pain and a lot of hurt.


During that time I chose to value my pride, my finances, my ego and what I imagined was my future instead of listening to all the things that were telling me otherwise.

I did not listen to my body, I did not listen to my emotions, I did not listen to my family and friends, and I did not listen to those that I cared about most and in most cases I stopped listening to me, and that right there bloggies..

IS A CARDINAL OFFENSE (in my book).

When I stopped listening to my instincts and I stopped going towards what brings my joy in from the core. When I stopped, I went from one drama to the next, one misery to the next and one frustration or poor decision to the other. I now know that it was God really testing me and building me up and pushing me around till I realized how valuable it is to have those around you that you love and trust and support, and how you can't put a price on being there for a birthday or a family member's event. How for someone who wants to have a family and be a part of a family,,,,, 'so called friends' are never ever going to be enough.

So I'm heading to NYC this weekend for BlogHer 2010 and I'm trying to make this conference not only a growth opportunity for my 'lil ole blog' but also an opportunity to close the door on the offensive choices that I made in my past, and let NYC be the beautiful mecca that it is. I'm going with a team of awesomeness friends, and girls that are my NY versions of a SITC crew so I'm stoked to laugh and cry and joke and celebrate and 'redo this' :)