Well I'm finding it especially poignant these days. I wish often that I could find the friends that are there for a Lifetime, and move them all to Buffalo and just go on rocking my life instead of constantly trying to push myself through the friendships that are for a reason or season.
Perhaps for some people friendship is something that is fluid or ever-changing so to gain a new friend or to lose an old friend is just part of the world that they live in.
I often wish I could be that way, that I could know there is a timestamp for when we're going to be friends, and when we're not. I understand that some friendships only work when your living across the dorm-hall from the other person, and some only work when your in the same town. But I feel like either of those would work if both parties truly made the effort to maintain it.
Which I suspect is the reason my feelings get hurt so easily. Because I try very hard to support and be there for my friends and family and call and check in or email or text or something to let you know I care. I try hard even when even the trying forces me to worry or stress or be anxious about the person. I keep trying until there is nothing left of me and then eventually I give up.
The thing that hurts my feelings it sadly, not that those who I care about don't appreciate my efforts because that is frankly just who I am and I could guarantee that if they could choose they wouldn't want me to be anxious or stressed on their behalf (me neither!), the thing that hurts my feelings is when I finally run out of myself and I stop trying or giving or losing, and it dies.
It dies because the other person doesn't care enough to hold up their side. They don't see me as that important in their life or value our friendship enough to make the effort.They don't want to maintain that friendship when we don't live across the hall or on the same campus or whatever.
Now I'm not so naive to believe that my friendship is without fault and the best thing there is second only to Shamrock Shakes (;)),, And I'm not going to say that I didnt do or say something to hurt the other person's feelings. Cause I'm human and I'm mouthy sometimes and I'm opinionated so that would be totally ridiculous to believe I never hurt them.
But to not call, not text, not email and not do anything is so hurtful to me. It just shows you not only don't want a friendship but you don't even respect or value me enough as a person to communicate why you do not want one,, so I could learn, or Lord Forbid I try harder/differently?
4 comments:
I know exactly how you feel! Chin up!
*Hugs*
I know how you feel. I'll try so hard with some people and they can't even so much as occasionally click "like" on a fb status to show that they still care that I'm around.
I getcha, I hearya, I feelya!!
I'm not a big talker on the phone type of girlfriend and I've always felt that I don't have many women friends because of it, well, among other reasons.
It's all about investing..I'm not gonna do it if the effort is not reciprocated...
It's hard to not find some fault of our own...pointing the blame at ourselves...but I am beginning to see it as "It is what it is"
Don't waste your time...the ones that matter will show you, you matter to them!
My sisters did not call me when I was sick to see if I was ok? Even my dad said I would have called them!! So I hear ya!!! Wish I lived in Buffalo, we'd have coffee!!! I hope!
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