A Simple? Procedure

Spoiler Alert/Warning- If your at all ick-ed out by bodily function topics or medical jargon in regards to a colonoscopy,,, please feel free to ex the box. I won't be upset. But if your like me and your nervous about procedures then maybe you stumbled on this blog and it ill help alleviate your nervousness.. And perhaps you'll laugh at my on personal story as ridiculous as it always is.


First off:
Things that I learned in the past two days that I wish I knew before the procedure.
1) The actual colonoscopy part you are under anesthesia so your asleep and feel and see and hear NOTHING. NADA. NIL.

2) The prescription they give you ahead of time for nausea.. can and SHOULD be used the day before while you are 'prepping' just to be safe from the vomitociousness.

3) Pink Lemonade Crystal Lite while still a fluid,, has red dyes so you should not use that. Go for the straight lemonade or another non-red/purple dyed one.

4) DO NOT NOT NOT Chug the Magnesium Citrate. I thought that just like shots or whatnot from my college days I could chug it and get it over with. Effective BUT later regretted it because it got all bubbly and carbonated and later returned from whence it came (not good).

5) When they tell you to make sure the stool runs clear,, they mean fluid only,,, not the colorless clear you may think. As long as there are no uh,,um,,, pieces... and its all fluid (cause you've been on a fluid only diet so thats expected).. clear means fluid only,,, you'll never get clear in color because of your stomach's natural enzymes so stop hoping for something impossible.( this caused me great duress).

6) I knew this but its good to restate-, when you begin the prep,, stay home. Your body will be doing things that are NOT going to make you happy outside your home and more than about 5 feet from your bathroom. Suggestions: Use DVR or pre-recorded shows.. so as not to get frustrated when you have to leave the room.


Okay... so now I will share how my Type A personality and my apparent vagus nerve response made my 'simple procedure' turned significantly ridiculous.

Prep: So first off I took the evening off and had purchased all the appropriate food and drink options for the day and even set my alarm clock on my cell phone to tell me when to take the pills and when to drink the bizness. (type a). I also worked VERY hard to push fluids to kinda 'help the system'. So approximately two hours after the bizness consumption (that I had chugged)... it came back with a venegance and not in the intended direction. So I got very upset and frustrated and worried that I'd have to repeat the process and be tortured that much longer.. or worse off, not be able to go to the procedure because I had failed the prep part. This is a typical concern of my Type A medical procedure self, I worry that I do something wrong and then I make the procedure worse or impossible or have to reschedule. I like clear directions. I also (erroneously) thought that the anti-nausea medication was for after the procedure and did not take it and was afraid of taking it during prep.... which made the nausea significantly worse and lasted longer.

Day of: Because I had upchucked the nite's before I was awaiting a call from the MD to make sure I was still okay to proceed. They told me to take more pills and not to come to the appointment till the stool was clear (as above you already know that I was fully freaking about making something happen that is not possible,, never going to be fully clear).

At the appointment, gave all the answers needed, asked if I could run a 5k on Saturday (and by run I mean walk AND run,,,but still), all is good they say I can. One last potty break and into the hospital bed I went. Commence putting an IV into my right hand. The woman did okay but then apparently reported to me that she may have to do it again, and so I turned briefly to look at my hand. Terrible. TERRIBLE idea.. I always look away when blood is being taken cause I think it makes me less worried about the pain, but in fact it is because I have what they call a vagal response . So one look and I started to get very light headed and dizzy and the last thing I remember saying was "I feel really bad". Well needless to say....


I blacked out... lost consciousness and when I awoke there were about 7 nurses and staff all around me poking and prodding and it was like I was in an episode of ER and worried about scapels and whatnot. (eek). I freaked, OBVIOUSLY. They told me to inhale the oxygen mask and exhale, and upon exhale I sat up and started retching. Of course since there was NOTHING in my body it was dry heaving but not at ALL the response you want to have before your going in.. So I continued to sweat profusely and they had to cool me down and slowly get my blood pressure up to a safe level. When I was 'cool' then they wheeled me to the room where the procedure would be done, as I was next to be seen.

In the exam room I met my nurses who were super great and my doctor who ROCKS. She asked me lots of questions and since she knew my family history and why a 30 year old was there, it made it much easier to get through. Eventually it was my turn and my IV (now on my L hand while my R hand began bruising from the initial poking) was connected to some lovely anasthesia. I put my head on the pillow and was out for I can't even tell you how long.

I woke up to the nurse seeing how I was doing.. (fine now). They gave me another cool towel on my head and helped me to sit up eventually. They gave me an apple juice and my mom came in to wait for results (and hear the ridiculousness that had happened thus far). I went to the bathroom but as I reached for my clothes to pull on I got lightheaded again and this time just vomited all the apple juice I had just consumed. In short order. Rapid fire. Not good. So back they laid me down and more waiting while baby D got her head on straight (not fun). Got the results and then headed back to my parents house where I promptly went to sleep for as long as I could, dreaming of food.

thankfully my mom took care of me for a few days and my dad and brother went out shopping for some things that my stomach could handle nicely (ginger ale and saltines). It had been two days since I had eaten anything of significance and while I had dreamed of food options, now after my fiasco I was dreading food in any form. (so sad).

Then the next day my super sweet fiance (heehee) came to pick me up and bring me back to our apartment. He scrubbed the tub so I could take my requisite tubs and kept checking in on me throughout the day and drove me around and made sure I was happy, giving me hugs when I Looked like a pathetic loser (often) and when it was clear my body had had enough (the whole time). He's the best, and I'm so lucky.


So I learned lots of lessons, and had some rough patches and mostly was able to have a polyp removed that should not have been there.(she said it was much larger than expected for my age), and now have a better gauge of what to expect, how to handle it and not to sweat the small stuff. Oh,, and don't look at that IV!:)

oy..