Reconsider your thoughts??
So I'm not sure about you bloggies but I'm a pretty decisive person. I trust my instincts and I listen to my gut and when I feel uncomfortable or not happy with something I do my best to fix that before it 'spreads'.
ANYYYYYY WAYYY.. So sometimes I make my mind up about things and I have trouble imagining them any other way. I want things to be the way I want things to be and I don't very much like bending. Maybe because I'm a middle child and so I'm used to compromise,, maybe because I'm a Scorpio and I get worked up on my emotions and they drive the bus instead of my head.
SO I think part of growing up is allowing yourself to question your instincts.. or to allow you to take in more information than you thought you might need so that you can make the right decision or wiser choice.
I was not one of the lil girls who dreamed about her wedding, and frankly until I went to other friends' and family weddings I didnt even begin to grasp the things that I may want or dream of. Yes, bloggie friends I have seen enough of Bridezillas and Say Yes to the Dress and Cake boss to have FULLY impossible dreams and to understand their ridiculousness in the world.
So it wasn't till I was driving in to the rural subsections of our city this afternoon that I started to consider changing my options,, or ideas. Now clearly as I have not made a decision and am now waffling my thoughts, of course I'm not giving away any details.
I'm driving along and I'm thinking,, is this bit of minutiae detail that I thought was important really critical? If I give it up will that change the day tremendously or not at all? Then I start thinking about adding more things that I imagine on to the 'purge list' and then it starts to become something that I cant envision, a cloudy vision of what could be with what might not be ideal. It makes me nervous and I try to open my heart to the things that make me nervous (primarily because of this book I'm reading Women, Food and God which you'll hear about once i finish it). so I'm trying to allow myself to think outside my comfort zone.
But here is my point.. Is this growing up? Or is this giving in? When you have something you have thought might be the right thing for you, do you waffle that idea and do you feel any sadness when you realize that what you imagined is not really what is going to happen, and perhaps what will happen will be WAY better but different than you expected? Is sadness or awkwardness or moments of 'what next' are they what gets us to the more awesomeness or are they there to keep you from totally effing it all up?
I'm not sure, but I'm trying to find my way and I'm pretty sure even if I take my time figuring it all out,, I think it will come back to the right thing.. whatever that is going to be:)
I hope its awesome!
d
2 comments:
Well, if I was to give you any advice it would be: work on the marriage not on the wedding. My wedding was the cheapest, most relaxed situation (Steve did most of the work since I was in the Detroit, I told him what I wanted but there was no high expections on my part, realy). It all goes TOO fast. Pictures will never capture that moment, when you say yes (your emotions, your thoughts, your sensations). So enjoy yourself and your fiancee. Whatever you do, make sure you have some time ALONE with him after the ceremony. to kiss and smile, and hug, and cry, or whatever you need to do. Take one great picture with him and another one with your families. That was the best part/memory for me...sitting with him alone, before the reception. In 50 years nobody will care what color the bridesmaid dresses were, but in 50 years it will make all of the difference in the world how much you worked on your relationship, and HOW you grew old together. Sorry if I don't make sense it's 2:30 am, I should be in bed! (baby break)
It is going to be awesome!!!! I think you're passionate Scorpioness that I love is coming out and also questioning is just a part of growing up. There are a bunch of things that I've encountered especially recently where I've had to change my ideal of the situation around because there were other people involved and so my ideal wasn't "our" ideal (i'm referring to a work situation here), and just compromising in general is important I think. In marriage, in friendships, in family life. Its really freaking hard sometimes cause when you know what you want, you know what you want, but then the other person also knows what they want, lol so its like you have to know what you want and know what you can bend on, but its important and I think eventually shows your commitment to that relationship. there is a great quote that keeps coming into my life and I'm going to share with you (i don't know it exactly but I know the idea) - obedient bamboo never breaks because it always bends in the wind. (i don't like the idea of being obedient but when i think of it as being obedient to God and the universe, its better so if you like thinking about it like that, it helps!
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