What are you doing in your bedroom?

What are YOU doing in your bedroom????


You should be dancing!!!



This is what I was thinking this morning,, that instead of sleeping I should be dancing cause I'm so blessed by my family and my health and my fab friends,,, so in the spirit of my wake up call... play the song above and dance around!:)

Earthquake in BUFFALO???

So random,, and unexpected.
I mean if we lived in Cali,, maybe we'd know all about this,,,
but BUFFALO? We do snow,,not shakes (although I do like myself a Black Raspberry Andersons Milkshake)


Anyway so apparently we had a bit of an earthquake today. I didn't notice cause I've been feeling headachy and 'off' all morning so it was no different, but the ladies I work with were like 'DID YOU FEEL that?' and then it was all over FB..

so it must be real....

well I guess it actually occurred (The Buffalo News)

and apparently it has happened in the past too! (HIstorical like website)

So yeah, we're blaming the Canadians because the epicenter was there, but it was a lil change in our normal Wednesdays!:)

So you think you can spit in my eye???

So you think you can stone me and spit in my eye
So you think you can love me and leave me to die
Oh, baby, can't do this to me, baby
Just gotta get out, just gotta get right outta here
-Lyrics from Bohemian Rhapsody- QUEEN!!

So if you know me, you know that I'm a very trusting person. I don't protect myself from the emotional hurt that sometimes occurs when other's don't value my trust or value my loyalty. I will easily pull a friend into the 'inner sactum' of my friendship-ness without much hesitation. I will give and give and give and as long as you enjoy being around me and I enjoy being around you it will go well for awhile.

But. When I turned 30 I realized that this was a particular lesson I had learned over and over and over again growing up. Just because I'm willing to share and give of myself does not mean necessarily that my new 'friend' is as willing. In fact what OFTEN happened (like at almost every stage and year of my life) was that I had created friendships that only worked when I was giving or when I was calling or making the effort. It only worked when I tried. Either my friends were too broken or depressed or negative or had 'complex families' or whatever they were unable to GIVE anything back.

So I would get hurt and devastated and I would build a higher barrier (which inevitably I'd forget about meeting a new person,,, although to be fair living in NYC make the barrier much stronger against random BS).

So when I turned 30 I realized that instead of seeking out friends who need my help, I should instead value the friend that I have that value what I value also. So as I was thinking about bridesmaids, I was thinking about all my friends and valuing those who were there for me when I needed them, and who I could be there for when they needed me. Those who had 'gone thru things with'.. and how lucky I am to have friends who really know me and like the real version of me, the one that needs to take sometimse and not just give.

So today I'd like to briefly talk about the unsaid.

What if you value someone as a friend and they don't value you. I've had this happen more than once in my life and everytime it hurts my feelings a bit more. Perhaps its because I'm too easy to trust, but when it comes to my inner circle there are very few people I put in there.

There are very few that I would call in an emergency, and as such there are very few that I would expect would call me. So when one of these friends' demonstrate to me that while I am a a friend, I'm not one iota near their inner circle,, that even though I've been there for them thru the thick and thin and good and bad for many years,, that they personally don't value that as much as I do.

Now my snarky thoughts were 'they value proximity more'... 'they value someone who won't ever need them back'... 'they vaue someone who will lie to their faces'.... 'they value someone who can afford every trip and weekend they want to go on'. 'they value someone with money'...

Those MAY be true, but more so I'm learning that they simply don't value the 'been there and will be there for you through the thick and thin' AS MUCH as me.

So the hurt exists... it cannot be denied and it will fade with time as does everything else.

But as Queen says sometimes you 'just gotta get out,, just gotta get right out of here'. And so I shall.... out of the inner sactum you go to a place where acquaintances and shallow-level conversations exist:).


And now, to leave you with a song that make this blog topic a thought in my brain (and yes I should have written it when I heard the song on Glee weeks ago but I slack,,my brain is too full remember?)

Half Full Friday!

So one of my bloggies that I follow turned me onto this awesomeness. A new bloggie that I follow, at Life as Eye See It started this Friday Follow awhile back. Basically the concept is that while there are good and bad things that happen during a week/day that sometimes having a positive outlook or skew and seeing the glass half full helps keep us sane and bring about more positive.


This week's list:

I am happy that I am a person who is willing to emote.

I am happy this week that I wrote a blog this week so Monica didnt see a whole lot of nothing. (PS I'd be happier if Monica would join blogger and start one of her own so I can see more baby pics).

I am happy that I have Fridays off each week to wake up with Kevin and have breakfast and relax together.

I am happy that the US did not lose that soccer game.

I am happy that I got to phone-date both my cousin and also Christine, all from the comfort of my couch with my Pjs and wine:).

I am happy that I have friends who love me for me.

I am happy that our engagement excites others as much as it does us.

I am happy that it is GORGEOUS outside and a great day for the GREAT race:)



I am happy that this summer will be filled with others blessings and celebrations.

Brownie Lust

Okay so I need to tell you all bloggies.. I just had the BEST brownie of my life. And as you may know already... I'm no stranger to brownies..

So I have a confession first to make,, I have been a Panera-hater for many years. I will tell you why so you can understand,, but I think it should be clear that I understand my thoughts are not rational or founded on valid thought.

So many years ago a Panera showed up on the scene in Bloomsburg, PA... and as you may or may not know.. Panera is a little 'high end' for that locale. (sorry locals you know its true). So I was hurt for the locals and was prepared to be anti and be 'don't let these big companies take over my mom and pop shops!) (clouded,, I know).

Then I went there and ordered a soup and salad. It was a delicious summery strawberry salad but it had blueberries on it and I dont like blueberries. But they told me they came 'premade and I couldnt take them out'.... so in my quest for as close of an approximation to my friend Peter's amazing strawberry salad,,,,so I went for it.

THOSE FREAKING BLUEBERRIES were hiding EVERYWHERE and frankly it ruined the salad....

so I had to hate on Panera forever..

Like I said, not rational but those blueberries are sneaky and I felt like I spent too much money on a salad that I couldnt eat.

SO the hate began.

BUT ... it ended today ... when I tried the Panera brownie. 99cents with a lunch or dinner entree and 1.49 otherwise.

Well worth it. WELL worth it...

D

Time to step it up!!!

Where have I been bloggies? Um,,, well do you recall how exciting and overwhelming it is to be engaged and then also plan a day to celebrate how amazing and wonderful your relationship is with your partner,while caring and considering everyone around you.

There is a LOT to think about! My brain seems to be on overdrive right now and I'm not quite able to take it all in without bursting into shouts or tears. I blame the diamond (hehehe just kidding).

So Kevin and I have been doing a lot of venue-visiting and family talks, and budgeting and calculating and dreaming and envisioning and trying to coordinate what we'd like with what we can make happen. Its very hard to compare apples to oranges and it seems like many 'venues' have differences in prices and things that are included or allowed or benefits.

Luckily for us we are both very decisive and we like to take time to think about something (but like 24 hrs max) and so it was just a matter of scheduling all the venues asap so we could have the info and the visuals and the 'feel' to make a good decision.

So that's where I have been,, amidst the whirlwind and trying to stay sane and afloat amongst all the excitement and decisions and planning:)

I don't want to share all my secrets just yet but we're working hard and doing our best to make it a special time for ourselves, but also for our families and friends.!:)

To decide or not to decide,, THAT is the Question...

Reconsider your thoughts??

So I'm not sure about you bloggies but I'm a pretty decisive person. I trust my instincts and I listen to my gut and when I feel uncomfortable or not happy with something I do my best to fix that before it 'spreads'.

ANYYYYYY WAYYY.. So sometimes I make my mind up about things and I have trouble imagining them any other way. I want things to be the way I want things to be and I don't very much like bending. Maybe because I'm a middle child and so I'm used to compromise,, maybe because I'm a Scorpio and I get worked up on my emotions and they drive the bus instead of my head.

SO I think part of growing up is allowing yourself to question your instincts.. or to allow you to take in more information than you thought you might need so that you can make the right decision or wiser choice.

I was not one of the lil girls who dreamed about her wedding, and frankly until I went to other friends' and family weddings I didnt even begin to grasp the things that I may want or dream of. Yes, bloggie friends I have seen enough of Bridezillas and Say Yes to the Dress and Cake boss to have FULLY impossible dreams and to understand their ridiculousness in the world.

So it wasn't till I was driving in to the rural subsections of our city this afternoon that I started to consider changing my options,, or ideas. Now clearly as I have not made a decision and am now waffling my thoughts, of course I'm not giving away any details.

I'm driving along and I'm thinking,, is this bit of minutiae detail that I thought was important really critical? If I give it up will that change the day tremendously or not at all? Then I start thinking about adding more things that I imagine on to the 'purge list' and then it starts to become something that I cant envision, a cloudy vision of what could be with what might not be ideal. It makes me nervous and I try to open my heart to the things that make me nervous (primarily because of this book I'm reading Women, Food and God which you'll hear about once i finish it). so I'm trying to allow myself to think outside my comfort zone.

But here is my point.. Is this growing up? Or is this giving in? When you have something you have thought might be the right thing for you, do you waffle that idea and do you feel any sadness when you realize that what you imagined is not really what is going to happen, and perhaps what will happen will be WAY better but different than you expected? Is sadness or awkwardness or moments of 'what next' are they what gets us to the more awesomeness or are they there to keep you from totally effing it all up?

I'm not sure, but I'm trying to find my way and I'm pretty sure even if I take my time figuring it all out,, I think it will come back to the right thing.. whatever that is going to be:)

I hope its awesome!
d