Pour my Heart out

First of, I heart Shell and her constant suggestions to get me involved in the blogosphere, and someday when I get a WII and Just Dance I'll be all involved, but for now, I like the 'pour my heart out icon and you all know I love to pour my heart out,, so here goes'.

So the concept is to pour my heart out about something I am passionate about.
While there are many 'professional topics that I could talk about, and many soapboxes that I can get on any given day, today is one that often gets me worked up on all fronts,, when I read the blogs of others and when I speak with friends/family.

The topic is ADVOCACY.
You might be like holla wha??? Advocacy,,, aka advocating for the things that matter. For those of you that have kids,, advocating for them,, and for those that don't ,, advocating for yourself.

Drives ME BONKERs..... when ,, it seems like mostly women, but many people, fear speaking up for themselves. I'm so frustrated when we put others' before ourselves... 'Well if my boss doesnt make more money how can I ask for a raise'. "Well I don't have a college degree so I shouldn't apply for the job'. "Well I don't know anything about anatomy and drugs so why would I question the doctor?". "Well my kid doesnt want to cooperate how am I supposed to make him?' "Well it was recommended that my child have this surgery to help them hear/breathe/eat/speak but we got busy and it didnt happen'.

AHHHHHHH

SO because you know I like structure...
Who needs advocating for:
#1 and most importantly YOU! No one NO ONE will ever put your needs before theirs whether it be medical, emotional, financial, personal, etc. NO ONE... so decide that what you want is important and your time is important and step up for yourself.

#2 Your Family- Whether you wives have to help your husbands learn to advocate or the other way,,, or you have to teach your kids to advocate for themselves (and others), these are the integral people in your present and future and they need these skills.

#3 Your Friends- This one I have the most trouble with, primarily because my #2 area is relatively small or pretty good advocaters at this time. But your friends sometimes need someone to advocate for them, or someone to help them learn how to advocate for themselves. Never easy, very complex but hugely important for the long term relationships.


Whom do we need to advocate against? ,, Like who do we need to sometimes stand up against or be assertive with?

Now let's pause to be clear a moment here... Assertive means making it clear what you are requesting WITH RESPECT. It does not mean being hateful, rude or inconsiderate. You are speaking with other human beings and regardless of how tough/harsh/smart they are they too have feelings and deserve respect and courtesy. You don't want to alienate the person your advocating for or against, and maybe thats a misnomer in the use of 'against' but I hope you get my point here.

Whom...

A) Other Parents-ex)No, because I am a SAHM I am not able to babysit your child at every school holiday or sick day or so you can go out to dinner with your husband or go out with your girlfriends to find a new husband. Uh NO.


B) Teachers- ex)My son requires extra time to take a test as per his IEP, so let's make sure that happens for EVERY TEST,, not just the big tests.

C) Doctors- This medication you want to put me on has side-effects of depression and suicide and perhaps those are not side effects I'm interested in risking....

D) Grandparents or other family members- ex) I'm sorry if you think that my child having a lactose allergy is a 'phase' but they will not be coming to your home until you understand the risk your putting them at by giving them milk for lunch.....or that there is lactose in A LOT of things. Oh and PS.. We don't spank here...

E) Other friends- No I'm not available to make plans and have you no-show, cancel or do both at the last second without a phone call. If I made time for you, the least you can do is make time to send a text/call.

F) Future Spouses - I do not plan on 'pretending' to be someone that I am not so if you don't like the real me, then this is not going to work day one,,, let's call it what it is. (a nice try).

G) Financial Advisers- If you do not explain to me IN DETAIL and give me in writing the stocks/bonds/funds that you would like me to entrust my money in,, then NO I will not be able to write you a check. If you don't educate do NOT expect me to substantiate.

H) Lawyers- If at ANY Moment you get a sensation that this is not right you need to advocate for yourself and ABORT and get a new lawyer. You want someone on your team that you can trust and if you cannot trust them, find anew one.!