Risk

Risk is something that can be taken or not. Its like your own personal binary code either you do or you don't.

Risk is something I used to never be afraid of. I'm not talking about jumping off of cliffs or endangering my physical body. I mean running for class office or initiating conversations with new people that I didn't know, or defending those around me from being picked on by 'cooler kids'.

I realized last week that risk is the same thing as leaving your comfort zone. Trying something that may make you nervous or anxious or trepidation. But a good risk.... can bring you joy on the other side.

Risk is going out on a first or blind date. Risking meeting someone for the first time and liking them or them not liking you. Risking going out on the next date and not giving up on relationships. Risking going out in search of the RIGHT person for all the things you have ever dreamed of happening. Risking showing your gorgeous and ugly side to the person you want to create a life with to help you grow!

Risk is going to a restaurant or a vacation solo. (eek, I'm not there!).

Risk is having faith that while this may not be the right decision that be it God, karma, Buddha, fate or whatever you believe in.... you will come out better than you left.


Sometimes we create a brick wall mentally to stop us from risking the very thing we need the most. We can create these walls to impede our goals, to stop us from finding the very thing our hearts and minds want the most. We can provide excuses and reasons and negative thoughts that will keep us further. We think they help us to cope but they push us further away from healing.

Risk sometimes hurts,, risk sometimes is ecstatic, risk can be fear or joy.

This week I risked meeting new people in a few venues. I risked cooking recipes that I had never cooked before. I risked asking others for help when they might not be willing or able. I risked letting go of some hurt that I've been carrying for a few months, like taking layers away from myself and exposing me that much more to the sun or world.

Risk is how a child learns how to walk. Its how they learn to crawl, eat, speak, at the most primal level. If you don't try to say mama,, you'll never learn. If you don't let yourself balance on your feet you won't be able to walk or take that first step no matter how much mom and dad can't wait for you to!:)

Dessert disaster

So the Superbowl made everyone all abuzz about eating and partying and what not. I personally wanted to take the opportunity to try out some of the recipes that I've been reading on my HungryGirl emails and also try one out my mom recommended. We were headed to a SB party at a friends' house who is allergic to chocolate (I know its horrifying to me too!) so I set my sights on non-chocolate dessert items.

I didn't photodocument the first disaster, but the recipe was for Caramel Brownies and even though Kevin (super sweetie) is still eating them a few days later (they're still chewy), my major error makes them taste funky to me so I'm out!

Error #1 Do not use non-stick vegetable spray on the base of a pan for dessert sugary lovey type items. It tastes gross.

So the second recipe was for Lemon Raspberry Bars.

So after dessert disaster #1 this time I buttered the pan instead of using my nasty spray (I didnt have any butter flavored spray but I'd learned my lesson).

First you make the crust:


Then add in the butter till it gets all streusely/crumbly


Then you put it in the 8X8 pan. They said 'press into pan'. I suspect this became part of the problem later because I pressed and I probably should have just like 'put' without the "PRESSure".... Anyway so we cooked it!

Meanwhile in another bowl far far away.... we're making the filling.


I'm not sure here if I was supposed to use an electric mixer based on the fact that they said 'mixing bowl'. And if 'stir constantly' meant to electric mix constantly. But I stirred with my spoon and it seemed to coalesce quite well.

So we take out the crust and spread a layer of Raspberry joy! The recipe called for reduced sugar jelly but we had regular raspberry at home and I wasn't watching the calories on the dessert as much as trying it out.

Can you see here how a series of "I didn't do this and I wasn't sure about that" might create a problem?



Then it says "GENTLY pour the lemon joy on the rest of the yumminess"... Which I was totally gentle but I think the reasoning was to keep the little raspberry jelly seeds from floating and creating a mosiac instead of a solid lemon line. (Epic fail).
If I knew how to make an arrow on my picture I'd point out the lil raspberry seeds.



Okay so then ya cook it! Easy Peezy, right?
PS it says let it cool and then put in fridge for 2 hrs.... Okay well I let it cool for about 45 min and then I only had 2 hrs left till we were supposed to go to the party for which this dessert was my last resort (based on the bad brownie batch),, so into the fridge it went for the last 2 hour hurdle!.


What it looked like after it was out of the oven .

So I won't lie when it was in the fridge it was a little jiggly which is why I had 2 hrs to mentally panic and also create a tertiary back up plan. I was just praying that my lemon bars would do some kind of jello-act where it would be awesome in 2 hrs.

Alas,, this is me attempting to cut a piece out.


Clearly its all mush, and frankly if I hadn't pressed the bottom it might have not been such a fight to get the crust out. So at the ninth hour I drove to a local restaurant that I knows makes their own Lemon bars and I bought a tray of them. Thankfully they're family owned and therefore don't charge you tons for their goods at the last second and they even made it look gorgeous on the tray.

So not all recipes work out.. and this is a classic fail. I was told I should have cooked it longer perhaps,, and I was also told that maybe I just have to eat it out of a bowl and give up the 'bar-like' concept. I've been eating it in a dish for a few days now... ps.. ITS DELICIOUS and not too sinful... but its not a bar..

NOT a BAR!

Dating Dealbreakers

So I have read a few articles recently about dating dealbreakers, and they amuse me to no end. So I polled a few of my colleagues and friends to ask for some ideas and there was much laughter as we noted moments of boyfriends (or dates) past. Feel free to add to the list... and of course please take note if your bf (or praytell husband) does these things... you were warned!:)

Its Valentines Day right? Love is in the air:)

oh ps... I put a break-dancer as my picture cuz they're super cool and its a breaker right?;)

In no particular order

1. Unemployed-Especially if they are not looking,,, although I suppose it could be worse if they've been looking for awhile and not found anything either.

2. Jail Time- Holy Moly if they have spent time behind bars, there was a reason.. one of which you hope to never encounter.

3. Drug Use- I'm sorry this may have been cool to some in college and maybe there are 'artists' who are all cool with this, but I don't want to plan a life with someone and hope my kids are safe while my husband/bf sells my home for drugs or has 'buyers' coming to my door. UH no.

4. Addicts- I guess this kinda goes with #3 but there are a lot of things to be addicted to a)drugs, b) sex (I guess this could start off fun but what about the 10 months your pregnant,,, where's he going to get his 'fix'?) c) betting d)food (sorry its dangerous but true.... e) cigarettes/cigars-- come on its filthy and can hurt you or your future kiddies!

5.Inappropriate early nakedness- Since we no longer live in dorms or frat houses (or rugby houses) getting undressed early on in the relationship can be a dealbreaker.To me its based on the 'dont know how to act' principle. (see below)

6. Don't know how to act- this is the guy that screams at the waitress, or flips out at the receptionist or makes lewd comments to your friends or discusses your sex life with others in your presence (ick). Same guy would scream at you louder if not more aggressively and does not respect you or those around him. Good luck getting your kids to!

7. Bad Fico Score-Yeah well as per the FreeCreditReport.com.... do you really want to live in your parents (or heaven forbid his parents) basement your whole lives.. NO WAY..

8. Relieving oneself with the door open -One of my fave submissions.. apparently this guy is so comfortable that he does his business with the door closed.. Um yeah,, that's a deal breaker I dont care who you are! hahahaha.

9. Stealing my possessions- You'd be surprised at how many people said this one. And we weren't talking about undergarments (phew!). Like 'borrowing' without the intent to return. ICK.

10. Filthy home- I know,, boys are messy but that just means you shouldn't invite me over. Either clean it up and be proud,, or we can eat out!:)

11. Excessive 'female' Friends- A few of my guy friends would contest this one,, but here is the key word EXCESSIVE. I'm not saying you cant have friends that are female.... I'm just saying that maybe if your whole crew is made up of females,, or even Ex-gf's that's future mama drama waiting to happen.

12. Possessive- If they get super jealous when you want to hang out with someone OTHER than them... Well that's just crazy. Especially in early stages of the relationship. Its one thing to 'miss you',,, its another thing to show up where your at or make you feel bad when you come back.

13. Overcommittment- Its a two way street... if girls put guys off by talking babies and marriage too soon,, it works in reverse also. We want someone to GROW with,, not to catch up on or race to meet. Let's get to know each other first before we go to Vegas Britney-style!

14. Family hates Him- This only does not apply if you NEVER EVER see your family. Or if you see them once a year at Christmas and dread that... If your not a family person then by all means discount this deal breaker! If someone makes you happy and your family who you see at Christmas only are not huge fans don't like them, take the note and make your own decision.. BUT!!! If family is even mildly important to you,,, pay attention. Because these are the people that have known you longest, cared for you most and intrinsically want you to be happy. So if they're not looking out for your best interest then who is...

15. Someone that can't handle deep conversations- Great suggestion! If you can't talk about politics or money or religion with them now... um when? Maybe not first date people, but still in the first few dates if there are 'off limits topics'... this is not going to work long term. Relationships that work are open and honest. They don't have to agree on everything they just have to be able to talk.

16. Someone who is a bad tipper or wants me to pay on all dates- Its a real question about appreciating others and the work that they do for you regardless of the way the food tasted (that would be tipping the chef they did not and will not get a cut of your tip, and no I've never been a waitress). If you have to pay your probably dating someone who breaks rule #1!!!!, so your not listening!!!

17. Someone that lies- Ohhh this is A HUGE dealbreaker. I'm not talking about the guy who says he's not getting you anything for your bday and then got you something sweet. I'm talking about the guy who lies to his friends or family while your there. HOLY MOLY....you may think your in the trust zone but your not.

18. Someone who believes Divorce is an option- Sorry but if you want to be in a long term relationship with someone.. it means LONG term... not long until the short... LONG...If they think divorce is an option for themselves then why begin at all. (again this is the deep rooted stuff!)

19. Someone that is unempathetic- This is a big one for me,, if you can't appreciate other people's pain without trying to trump them for 'how much worse your life is'...or if you can't even acknowledge someone else is hurting and be tender with their heart or soul.... Game OVER.



Alright what are yours!!!!???
D

Update on Comfort zone

Yeah so here's the update.

We were supposed to go to mass at 7pm with the rest of the 'young adults' as per the posting Read it here
So we went at 7pm and the church was LOCKED closed and we went and pulled on like 5 doors and went into the cafetorium type area to ask the BOYSCOUT leader where it was,, who knew nothing)

This as you can expect... caused me GREAT nervousness and distress. I mean here I am reaching outside my comfort zone, expecting nothing good and I got an F... FAIL.

So as per the posting there was supposed to be a Happy Hour....

So we went to the bar circa one hour post 'mass' (that didnt happen'..
well at the bar we didnt know who was churchy folk and who was just bar-folk..
so we had some drinks and headed home.

overall.... a lot of stress for nothing good..
and yes I'm emailing the coordinator cause if nothing else, they need to update their posting if the times change or locations or something right?

so comfort zone failed...
but I will try again... mostly cuz you can't expect something great to happen if your not willing to TRY....

D

Comfort Zone

So I was watching Real World This week (Yeah I know reality tv is a problem for me). And at one point one of the girls was nervous about taking on a photography challenge but also stated that it was EXACTLY what she needed. My initial was reaction was "holy crap this girl intentionally wants to go out of her comfort zone",, and then my second thought was 'not good these kids are going to take over the jobmarket and they like to do things they FEAR! I cannot compete! haha"


So a few weeks ago one of my friends told me that I should go out and find activities that I love to do and give myself things to do besides blog, farm and watch tv on dvr!! (yeah she thinks my life needs work,, she's probably right but all those things are SUPER FUN!). She suspected that my limited 'activities' were keeping me from reaching my 'trifecta' goals... that I was giving too many excuses.

(ps I love and hate friends that are so dead on accurate about my personal dramas!)

Anyway....

So I've been trying.

First I went line dancing, one of my fave things to do during my time in PA was go to the local bar and have dinner and do some dancing. It started as a way to get cheap wings and beer (still a Buffalo girl here people!),, but it ended up being a really fun time and it made my love of country music really flare! I had a blast then and so I was lucky enough to have Kevin volunteer to come with me to try my hand at doing it again. We had an absolute blast and I loved trying to pull from my memories the moves and excitement. I also loved hearing the music again, seeing the couples dance (mostly older folks which is so something to aspire to), and belt buckles. Awww shucks! It was fun. The most fun was when they taught a couples dance and Kevin and I tried to do it together. Thankfully a couple behind us in 'the line' also was still learning so we weren't messing them up. It was awesome. Kevin tried really hard to learn and we laughed and joked and my favorite moment was when they said 'and now vine to the right' and Kevin said 'what the hell is a vine!!!". hahahaha Awesome. It was super fun and such a great new activity for me to be a part of.


Tonite we're going to go out of our (my) comfort zone, and going to a 'young adult' mass and happy hour to follow. The mass I can handle perfectly fine as I'm just required to sit and listen and do the obligatory hand shakes and prayer retorts. However the 'happy hour' afterward.. Makes me freak FREAK out. Why you might ask? Its just a happy hour, Kevin will be there,, its all to meet and greet more fab peeps with the same values and all that. Well first let's be clear. I dont HAVE to have a reason to freak to do so.... frankly some of my 'best' freakouts were totally unrationalized.

OKay so why am I freaking..Well when I was in NYC I very much found religious activities to be healing and help me work through harder moments whether the moments be my dramas or those around me. You see while I was in NYC I was very aware of all the pain I myself and those around me were carrying and as someone that inherantly cares too much about both the people that I care about and those I dont, well it was exhausting and I was thankful for the opportunity to let God take over and not worry through it all.

(and this is why this blog is called my meandering thoughts...)

So I decided to take something that helped (religion) and find others with the same feelings. I joined a social group and went to a church and 'happy hour after'. It was HORRIBLE. The mass was great, but of course I sat by myself feeling shy and scared and 'less than'. But I pushed through my comfort and went to the happy hour afterward. That is where it got horrible. I met tons of people, but most of them already had 'their crew'. We met at a restaurant where they all went to 'their tables' and the few of us that didnt get a table were forced to stand around the bar area and chat. Which I guess was the point in the first place, but it was SOOO awkward. I stood and was introduced to two or three people and then they'd say hi and go back to their conversations and I would just stand there and it was awful.

I never went back to another one of their events and I am trying to push my own comfort zone tonite, again with my favorite ally. Which may make the difference. I hope so. :)


Do you push yourself out of your comfort zone? Do you intentionally try to reach beyond what you think your capable of to get a thrill or do you try to grow personally for yourself or for others? Why do you do that!? when did you do that?

and also for fun,,,,
Let's take a poll of how many drinks I'll need to survive;)
hahahahah

I'll start

I think ill need 300:)
just kidding!!

Why Wednesdays #3

WHY WEDNESDAY!!! I have been working on this post all week (well research not writing sillies).

So a little while ago one of the funniest bloggers I know (The Blogess) posted an amusing blog about Google and its need to 'fill in the blanks' and 'try to help'... Read her blog here !!

Any-who... so I thought for my Wednesday Why this week I'd just go with what Google suggestions may be,, and we can discuss or ponder those!

So here's what I have found!

-Why do men have nipples?? (great book!)
- Why is the sky green?? (is it now?)
- Why did I get married too soon?? (oh geez)
-Why can't I own a Canadien (well the hockey team you could own,, but a person, NO).
-Why do dogs eat poo?
-Why do cats purr?
-Why does my eye twitch (its fyi called Blepherospasming and its usually stress)
-Why do cats knead?
-Why do we yawn (did i just make you yawn too at the mention?)
-Why must chemical equations be balanced?
-Why must oxidation be accompanied by reduction(someone is trying to do their CHEM100
-Why will the world end in 2012 (also was why would it end in 09,2000 and 2008...)
-Why will you be banned from Walmart (I wonder what they did!)
-Why is William called Bill (but really more importantly how did we get Peggy from Margaret!)
-Why did Will Petersen leave CSI (really someone HAS to know!)

how funny..
PS I totally TOTALLY edited for content cause some of those were super gross or foul and I couldnt even say the words let alone type them!...

:)
D

Where did the time go!???

Does anyone lose many hours of their life reading other people's blogs and not posting new stuff on theirs? I totally have like 100 ( okay like 10) But STILL!! I have a full time job and many loved ones that need my attention..

and instead I'm farming and reading all ya'll's blogs! I comment and I seriously have to consider limiting my follow-ingship,, because frankly I get NOTHING done!

Can we discuss this? Where can I get more time?
Should I edit my follows? But I heart so many of you that the moment I think of eliminating I fear that you may do that to my random musings....

Maybe you think to yourself 'this girl is bazongas!!! she is all over the place with her excitement and questions.. its like a test but funner! hahahahah PLUS she makes up words like Funner...


Not like everyone didn't 'invent' that word circa 3rd grade..

Lets leave you all with a song clip to make you smile!:) Cause its making me dance around my apt and my bf thinks I'm adorable but also nuts. (thankfully he does not have a blog for which to counter my self-admiration! hahahah).

:)